There are these superlatively beautiful times which pop up now and then, when one does things just because one wants to. No economics of managerial strings attached whatsoever. And invariably it is at times like these that we begin to somehow make some semblance of progress on the quest of understanding the simultaneously zero AND infinite expanse that is our life.
Just tonight for example.
It took a RANDOM walk to college, followed by a (by now notorious) sprawl on our campus greens... Looking up at the modestly bejeweled sky, the (now) cacophonic radio duly switched off, for the first time in my life I felt decently un-petrified, thinking of all that life had in store for me. I knew that I was headed into the land of unabated ambitions and aspirations, where it is only too easy to lose one's perspective on life and happiness, where one and all must grow fast, hoping against hope that the child in them survives the tests of time, circumstance, action and everything else that the "big bad world" throws at it...
What I realised (and i KNO this has been trumpetted a billion times already, but still.. an epiphany is an epiphany!)
The purpose and meaning of my existence does not necessarily derive itself solely from the work I do (professionally that is).. So no matter where I go, and no matter what I do... IF i can find a tiny little space to accommodate my precious little self, I shall I hope have taken the first step to ensure a minimal degree of happiness... the one commodity that has been and always shall be the root driving force behind ALL of our actions...
(More later!)
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Saturday, August 4, 2007
After ALL these years...
Okay, this particular incident is related to my bumping into someone after 11 LONG years...!
Before I go into the details of the chance meeting, which REALLY is not the crux here, here's the history involved.
D: I met him at the age of 7 I think, while flying paper air planes with my friend M in the park. He was at least a couple of years younger to me, and his name reminded me of a bird. With time, I grew closer to him and his family. Life was just so beautiful back then, with fairy tales scripted in our backyards, and the nascent strains of logic permeating our tender minds.
I absolutely loved spending time with him, playing cricket, watching TV, anything. Guess that was my first meaningful encounter with the phenomenon that is Thass. I remember his parents telling him to emulate my then commendable academic record; his explanation for his Dad's kidney stones being the fact that he had too much dirt and mud as a kid; his near dejection when play time would get usurped by the burdens of social responsibilities; the way I would tell him that 15 mins actually equal 900 real and alive seconds, to be enjoyed to the best manner possible, and not to be spent crying over their relative shortage; the way his Grand dad would look for his little bat and ball whenever I came over; that distinct sweet smell that filled every little corner of his home, which for me was synonymous with his presence.
And then one fine day, I shifted to R.K. Puram. And that was that. I will try to hide behind the cloak of pretext, that I was just a kid, but what was done was done, or rather, what was not. I visited him twice I think, over the span of the following 10 years, and both times in the first 2 I'm sure. I don't know if he missed me too badly, I sure hope that he didn't. Though I'm sure my complete disregard (albeit fueled by "pardoned-for-children" ineptitude) must've pricked him at some point or the other.
And I'm sure I got my due, when 3 years later, my best friend A would move away to J. It was only fair I guess. For had it not been for his departure, there is no way I would've fathomed the sheer volume of grief that my residence shifting MIGHT have caused my dearest D. The tears I streamed away, unabated and inconsolable, sigh, I so wish that was not the same case with D. It takes quite a bit to fill the void of a friend gone away at that age, I'm not sure what stuffing I found, but I hope he found something as well, that is of course, IF he felt as aggrieved as I, which I shall sincerely hope he didn't.
I must add at this point, A did have the class/sense/sensitivity to stay in touch with the "character-left-behind-often-forgotten" that I was. I describe myself thus, because that was exactly what I had done with MY analogous character. And the more I thought of it, the more I was convinced that my sorrow was but an obvious consequence of the fact that life moves in circles, and what I reap is what I sow, et al, et al.
Okay now, circa yesterday, the 5th day of the 8th month of the 2007th year of the Gregorian Calendar. I'm on my way back home from the metro station, after a decently fulfilling IMS class on binary logic et al. I board the RTV, and half way through my 6.68 minute journey, I happen to notice this lady sitting by the window. I try and picture the face of D's mom from ALL those years back, add 11 years to that, and get an image not too different from the one in front of me. Though I must say I was still pretty doubtful. Eventually the guy sitting next to her got off on the stop before mine, and I took that as a sign, went and sat next to her and asked:
Me: "Excuse me, Are you Mrs. Mahajan?"
She: "Yes..".
Me: "ummm... D ki..."
She: "D ki mother."
At this point my heart had taken a million leaps into the air...! Continuing...
Me: "Ma'am, I'm Justin, from Mayapuri......"
She: "You are Justin (?)"
Me: "YES." :) //albeit the fact I'd grown into the jhalla monster that I am today!
She: "Take down our numbers, and call zaroor karna!"
..................................................................................................
Eventually, jotted down them numbers, got off and walked back home. And as happens on days as full of wonder as these, the radio cackled up with Mika's "Love Today", a song which I like for no apparent reason.. But then again, that never hurts anyone. There's so much to give...
Still have to call him up... I can't think of what I'll talk about... Lets see...
However, no matter what, I'll never quite find it in me to overlook what I had (NOT) done with him. I had broken that law preached by the very title of this blog, which in turn I had chanced upon during my emotional exile of sorts after A's departure. Sigh, at least I've grown. Thats one good thing to have come out of the whole warped-destiny-cycle experience.
For what its worth man... D, I am SO sorry... For being all that I shouldn't have been, and for not being a friend.
Thats that... Growth is the purpose of our existence I guess... Kandisa!
If you have been, thanks for reading.
Before I go into the details of the chance meeting, which REALLY is not the crux here, here's the history involved.
D: I met him at the age of 7 I think, while flying paper air planes with my friend M in the park. He was at least a couple of years younger to me, and his name reminded me of a bird. With time, I grew closer to him and his family. Life was just so beautiful back then, with fairy tales scripted in our backyards, and the nascent strains of logic permeating our tender minds.
I absolutely loved spending time with him, playing cricket, watching TV, anything. Guess that was my first meaningful encounter with the phenomenon that is Thass. I remember his parents telling him to emulate my then commendable academic record; his explanation for his Dad's kidney stones being the fact that he had too much dirt and mud as a kid; his near dejection when play time would get usurped by the burdens of social responsibilities; the way I would tell him that 15 mins actually equal 900 real and alive seconds, to be enjoyed to the best manner possible, and not to be spent crying over their relative shortage; the way his Grand dad would look for his little bat and ball whenever I came over; that distinct sweet smell that filled every little corner of his home, which for me was synonymous with his presence.
And then one fine day, I shifted to R.K. Puram. And that was that. I will try to hide behind the cloak of pretext, that I was just a kid, but what was done was done, or rather, what was not. I visited him twice I think, over the span of the following 10 years, and both times in the first 2 I'm sure. I don't know if he missed me too badly, I sure hope that he didn't. Though I'm sure my complete disregard (albeit fueled by "pardoned-for-children" ineptitude) must've pricked him at some point or the other.
And I'm sure I got my due, when 3 years later, my best friend A would move away to J. It was only fair I guess. For had it not been for his departure, there is no way I would've fathomed the sheer volume of grief that my residence shifting MIGHT have caused my dearest D. The tears I streamed away, unabated and inconsolable, sigh, I so wish that was not the same case with D. It takes quite a bit to fill the void of a friend gone away at that age, I'm not sure what stuffing I found, but I hope he found something as well, that is of course, IF he felt as aggrieved as I, which I shall sincerely hope he didn't.
I must add at this point, A did have the class/sense/sensitivity to stay in touch with the "character-left-behind-often-forgotten" that I was. I describe myself thus, because that was exactly what I had done with MY analogous character. And the more I thought of it, the more I was convinced that my sorrow was but an obvious consequence of the fact that life moves in circles, and what I reap is what I sow, et al, et al.
Okay now, circa yesterday, the 5th day of the 8th month of the 2007th year of the Gregorian Calendar. I'm on my way back home from the metro station, after a decently fulfilling IMS class on binary logic et al. I board the RTV, and half way through my 6.68 minute journey, I happen to notice this lady sitting by the window. I try and picture the face of D's mom from ALL those years back, add 11 years to that, and get an image not too different from the one in front of me. Though I must say I was still pretty doubtful. Eventually the guy sitting next to her got off on the stop before mine, and I took that as a sign, went and sat next to her and asked:
Me: "Excuse me, Are you Mrs. Mahajan?"
She: "Yes..".
Me: "ummm... D ki..."
She: "D ki mother."
At this point my heart had taken a million leaps into the air...! Continuing...
Me: "Ma'am, I'm Justin, from Mayapuri......"
She: "You are Justin (?)"
Me: "YES." :) //albeit the fact I'd grown into the jhalla monster that I am today!
She: "Take down our numbers, and call zaroor karna!"
..................................................................................................
Eventually, jotted down them numbers, got off and walked back home. And as happens on days as full of wonder as these, the radio cackled up with Mika's "Love Today", a song which I like for no apparent reason.. But then again, that never hurts anyone. There's so much to give...
Still have to call him up... I can't think of what I'll talk about... Lets see...
However, no matter what, I'll never quite find it in me to overlook what I had (NOT) done with him. I had broken that law preached by the very title of this blog, which in turn I had chanced upon during my emotional exile of sorts after A's departure. Sigh, at least I've grown. Thats one good thing to have come out of the whole warped-destiny-cycle experience.
For what its worth man... D, I am SO sorry... For being all that I shouldn't have been, and for not being a friend.
Thats that... Growth is the purpose of our existence I guess... Kandisa!
If you have been, thanks for reading.
Friday, August 3, 2007
Help!
The latest phenomenon to have influenced my stance on the entire "life, love et al" question...
And pleasantly enough, even though this one tilted me back in favour of the "life is for living, and un-alone at that" school of thought, it didn't go all the way to half killing me from inside, au contraire, it was one of THE most "happy" things to have happened in a while...
So, despite the new found sense of helplessness arising from this latest piece of evidence, CHEERS to that...! :)
(or should I put a sad smiley...?!)
Help! – The Beatles
Help, I need somebody,
Help, not just anybody,
Help, you know I need someone, help.
When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody’s help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I’m not so self assured,
Now I find I’ve changed my mind and opened up the doors.
Help me if you can, I’m feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won’t you please, please help me.
And now my life has changed in oh so many ways,
My independence seems to vanish in the haze.
But every now and then I feel so insecure,
I know that I just need you like I’ve never done before.
Help me if you can, I’m feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won’t you please, please help me.
When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody’s help in any way.
But now these daya are gone, I’m not so self assured,
Now I find I’ve changed my mind and opened up the doors.
Help me if you can, I’m feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won’t you please, please help me, help me, help me, oh
And you really SHOULD listen to the track as well...
HERE it is... cheers!
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These works by Anand Justin Cherian are licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Non-Commercial-Share Alike 2.5 India License.
Dilbert
Beatlemania!!!
