My recursive dream!

Its the night of 30th (;-) April, and yes, I had the IIM results induced butterflies in my tummy.
Knowing that the results are due that night/next morning isn't a very tranquil feeling.

Anyhoo...
There I was, lying on my bed, 5:15am, watching the curtains gradually brighten up. I had already had 3 dreams, of myself going through the respective institute sites and google news too, in the hope of getting my hands on the result, all in vain.
Tired of living the same dream over and over, I got up. On my way to the computer, I glanced at my mobile. 2 missed calls and a message.
Hmmm.
1 missed from Debasish (co-IIM hopeful), and one from Ashish.
Hmmmmmm.
And Ashish telling me to listen to Alanis Morrisette's timeless 'One hand in my pocket'.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm....
Am I supposed to read into random symbolism here?
The only way to know was to make a dash to the comp and literally live those haunting dreams.

And I did just that. Listening to Coldplay's 'Violet Hill' on a loop was a nice accompaniment.
Sadly enough, all the dreams actually did come true. No results out yet (of the ones I'd been interviewed for: A,C,I,K). Half "I've HAD it with this!" and half asleep, I messaged Debasish about the futility of my early morning exercise, and Ashish about the millions of times I'd heard the song already.
With that, I went back to sleep. It was now 6:20am.

Now, the recursion begins.
The first dream I had in my 2nd innings asleep:
I'm at R.K. Puram. The point where a road used to end, has now magically been transformed into an idyllic hang out place. Architecturally superior (and similar) to the courts of Dilli Haat, with a food court and a big Pizza place (Name not revealed due to lack of coherent memory, and not trademark issues!).
Anyhoo..
I reach there, and am awe struck by the wonder of its new look. And there I find the gang, waiting to surprise me. I distinctly recall Manish, Vidya, Akshay and Ashish. Though there were quite a few more there, who somehow missed by dreamy view. I can assume the rest of the list, but for the sake of 'factual objectivity', I shall keep it to this (i LOVE the irony here! :-)
Continuing.
So I reach this amazing place. I'm in a slightly pensive mood, owing to the hanging nature of the results. I catch hold of Vidya and tell her just how crazy things have been, relating to the three-petition of the futile result hunt dream. I'm happy to see the holistic grandeur of the ambience... my place, my people, all the works, but the gnawing sense of magnified uncertainty is all too evident, and leaves me huffing and puffing.
Next thing I remember, I'm away from the party scene, and with some nameless, faceless companion. The location is still in the vicinity of the venue of the 'still fresh in memory' get together, but not quite there. I am now relating the amazing "Renovated RK Puram get together" dream to this person. I explain to him/her all the nuances of what was there first, and what was there in the dream; I tell him/her the people I'd met, and even the despairing rant shared with Vidya.

And the next thing I remember, I'm awoken by my brother at 9am. Debo's message tells me B's result is out. I rush to check the others. And after the initial blankness of purpose, C comes, and thats all thats come as of now. Not the point that.

SO, to conclude:
I have a series of 3 identical dreams.
After an hour's break of consciousness, I have a dream in which I relate the 1st series in a fantasy, and then relate the fantasy in a more normal setting. And finally, I have related this entire drama to you, dear patient and considerate reader. I hope the figure at the beginning makes more sense now.

Violet Hill is still on.
Some things shall stay the same, transcending boundaries of n dimensions. At least one can hope so.
On that seriously concocted philosophical note, I end my account of my "Triple Level Cojointed Recursive Dream".

Good Morning!

The big fat NSIT farewell..

Written at 1:18am on farewell night.
Retrospective afterthoughts the morning after are in [this style].

Be warned, this is a pseudo-drunken rant. Expect nothing, and you shall be happy.

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It would be harsh to try and force this stream of random thought into some semblance of order et al. Therefore, I shall proceed with whatever comes to my head whenever.

Farewell done.
After all the arbiticity in the official going away ceremony in the audi, and the mad house scribble sessions prior to that, we arrived at the climax for the day - the rain dance.

No, this isn't the crux of my trailing mind streams at all.
Is it the gradually growing sense of dispassion that grew with every passing moment on this day of acknowledgments and wishes?

Or the feeling of being close to people who are innately distant; who shower you with choicest and most meaningful tokens of appreciation, but always stay 2 steps away otherwise?
[afterthought, the morning after... chill it frikatwad! Human nature is beautiful in its variety... Good is better than bad. So shut it!]

Or is it the fact that, nullifying the point above, i have begun to see the remainder of mankind as little more than a sum of disparate transient phenomena, all coming into and going out of our black box existences, FOR a reason? Blood being thicker than water, is true, but may be more a result of social bondages, than anything more fundamental. Like with wolves, perhaps it isn't too impossible for a day to come when we get kicked out of our abodes at the slightest sign of independence. Of course, human infants being as incompetent at survival as they are, this means a good 5-8 years of mutuality in existence. And blessed as we are with the gifts of "think-ability", "something as insipid as love", among others, it is only natural for the two parties involved to form bonds that go beyond existential dependence.
Perhaps this is similar to the concept of maya, wherein the world is an illusion, created for reasons currently incomprehensible (for me at least), from which we are to break free to attain oneness with the One.
In such a situation, it would be only foolish to expect anything from others. However, expectations form the core of all human relations. To inaccurately quote an old friend, 'though expectations form the root of all pain, without them it would be impossible to have tangible relationships'.
Such a case is when i am redirected towards Him. The answer to all problems seems to be the path to Him, but as is the case with all things worth doing, it is a Herculean task to even try to walk on that path.

Ok, wait. Another possibility comes flying in.
The fact that my general gloom arises from the fact that my days at my beloved NSIT are dearly numbered.
Was it this which compelled me to be more reflective at the Jam, rather than hyperactive. To a great extent, I would attribute that to my intrinsic fascination for all things audio-visual. Thus while the crowds may have moved to the beats of a chartbuster, I found it more stimulating to zombie pose in front of the big speakers, as always. And the more I think of that glorious coming together of the tones, the beats, those delightfully naughty elongations; of the magic and brilliance engrained in unique permutations of the aforementioned elements, the more I feel justified in choosing such physically inanimate companions.
Tho i AM convinced on the fact that maya must have a purpose; and that the aforementioned all too form a part of maya only, Thus all parties involved and not so, remain in my convenient domain of "appreciated and respected".

Oh and by the way, just thinking of a seminar of "Cryptography and mankind" (or some such), is fascinating. That, along with Glomosim needs to be looked at long and hard.

And my net's died on me again. I'm sleepy after days of sleep deficiency.
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This is nice.

We shall lead a million lives, and none lesser than the other.
I'll see you later. For now I embark on life no. 1342!

Gumorning!

On inevitability and the immortality of hope!

हर मुलाक़ात का अंजाम जुदाई क्यों है?

This one question has haunted me ever since a wonderful song chanced by me a few days back. The song in question, "Zindagi jab bhi.." from Umrao Jaan (of 1981!), can be streamed from this page (4th track).
For the bandwidth un-challenged, here's a download link.

Returning to the line. I don't quite know how and where to start, so here goes.

Why does every meeting result in separation?

"meeting": an instance of time-space coordinates intersecting for 2 or more people desirous of a rendezvous. A duration of time spent together, in a state of mutual sharing.

"result": The end product obtained from a process or operation.

"separation": An act of detachment or distancing between two previously closer entities.

All the above definitions have been taken from the my handy copy of the Standard Daily Usage Mental Dictionary.

On the face of it, the inevitabilities are overwhelmingly obvious. The very concept of meeting may (a certain degree of possibility) be seen a dual for separation, and thus semantically dependent mutually for real significance.
Also, the constancy of change angle may also be brought in to prove the truth behind this lemma/axiom/theory.

However, as I'd mentioned to the unsuspecting gtalker I'd bumped into that night, it is the scope of finding an exception to this rule, which makes this all the more fascinating.
To elaborate, the clouds of gloom that may appear by the helpless inevitability of this scenario, suddenly find linings in every possible hue, by the possibility of circumventing this trap of circumstance. The very idea, that there MAY be a day, when one could break free of this deadlock; when the shackles of logical conformity may get replaced by those of the most pristine forms of freedom, has the potential to inspire and alleviate beyond measure.

It is in this direction, that I shall perhaps attempt to grow all my remaining days. For now though, a few baby steps...

In the definition of 'meeting', the mentioned time-space dimensions are assumed absolute. That needn't necessarily be the case always. Being of the truly scientific temper, one can never rule out the existence of another latent dimension, waiting for our selves to grow out of our current cocoon. Perhaps such a discovery (at a VERY individual and personal level) would lead us to a realm where it would be possible to function perfectly parallely. Perhaps upon this finding, we would begin our journeys toward The Omnipotent.
Also, on a more earthly level (or maybe not!), the definition of 'together' is again rather subjective, and heavily dependent on various growth level parameters et al. So perhaps we may one day evolve to a state where we can be together in spirit, while on different continents/planets/galaxies.
I see this option shall eventually trail on to the first one only, so I'll leave it here.

Coming to 'result'. It isn't quite fair to restrict the scope of a word as momentous and significant as this, to just that which is observed/obtained in the end. Perhaps, the result of an exercise can sometimes be obtained at the very beginning, with the rest of the activity required to complete the shell in which the new born chick had grown.
{Pause.}

'Separation' now. To defy the physical boundaries set, I shall take the obvious route of questioning the predominance of physical perception. I shall hope that one day, the less tangibles within and without us, shall rise and claim their rightful place in our consciousness. This of course is a reversed way of hoping that we'll all grow and raise our selves to that level.

And I see, that the saar/crux of all the distinct points I've made till now, are immovably common. There always had been just one very slippery little point. One answer to all the stated issues, but with a million little faces, each overlapping with a billion others.

I can't quite put my finger on it yet, but it does have something to do with consciousness, love, peace, you and Him. The links among these variables, are part of the oh-so-convenient "To-be-Determined" list. But I believe, that the very fact that such a line was composed, and such a question crossed the minds of many thereafter, is part of the answer revealed (an immensely minuscule part, but still!).

It is this hope, against what at first glance seems to be a doomed walk in the park of eternal inevitables, that proves its essential immortality. "Hope springs eternal", they say. I feel it is one of the n core elements that live in us, beyond the realms of time and space.

And as long as there shall be paradoxes and conundrums as "hopeless" as the 1st line of this post, we shall know that hope has enough fodder to feed on; and that there is still present, a gloriously infinite reserve of untapped inspiration and bliss, waiting for the unassuming and unsuspecting simpleton to stumble upon!

Sigh...

On love and purity...

Something thats been doing the rounds in my head for a few days now...

Lets assume a few variables first:
L -- love
P -- purity
X -- unknown
S -- sense of selflessness/service.

I have come to believe, over the past n days, that the degree or extent of selflessness we have towards anybody, is a function of the above mentioned variables. Here is how,
For any form of service to be honestly executed, there must be:
1. A threshold minimum level of love in our hearts towards the destined recipient of service.
OR/and
2. A threshold minimum level of purity that we observe in the destined recipient.

It is worth mentioning here, that inherently, the 2 points above are interconnected, in that one is a prerequisite for the presence of the other.

To take a few examples:

1) Hearts melt upon seeing a little baby. And no amount of strife, in the process of its taking care, can ever cause that love to end. Here therefore, the baby's purity and innocence induce a sense of loving care towards it in us. Vice versa too is possible as is obvious.

2) A couple stay together through thick and thin. Individual mistakes are worked out/forgiven, owing to the underlying belief in their mutual purity, which in turn is derived from the sense of love towards each other. Of course, the extent and validity of such a bond may come into question in the case of repeated misdemeanors. Beyond scope, beyond current jurisdiction.


However, experience tells me He never created such simplistic equations in human nature. Thus, comes flying in the unknown parameter, that which has the power to nullify as well as bolster the fruits of the defined variables.

I perceive that unknown to be the coefficient of our personal growth. The closer we are to Him:
1. The more we shall identify each individual as nothing less than His living embodiment. Thus inducing the sense of "purity in all" (even latent) and the sense of everyone being worthy of our love.
2. The more love we shall have, to freely give to all those who may be in need.

For both the above points, the highest example that comes to mind right now is Mother Teresa.

Now that I have (hopefully) clarified my views, we may proceed to the mathematics of it.
I propose the following formula for the extent of selfless service that one can give to another:

S = (L^m) + (P^n) + (X)

To add another layer of subjective complexity to this fascinating mix, the powers are themselves functions of the person in us. As in, it depends on factors such as one's:
1. values
2. upbringing
3. experiences
4. et al

or in short, the powers are functions of THE mysterious "growth" variable.

Hence, the equation becomes:

S = (L^f(X)) + (P^(f(X)) + (X)

Thus, as we move ahead, and trivialize the boundaries between entities such as love, purity and selflessness further and further, its not too hard to see, that as a blackbox,

S = F(X).

Also, an important point here is:
As we all grow, at our own pace, in our own time, it would only be natural for our 'X' values to come closer and higher together. And thus, as we approach higher levels of "goodness", the variable distinctions in L, V, X to evaporate. Thus the last equation above, which right now seems to be a criminal instance of approximation and generalization, shall become THE most accurate expression for all that is good in us.

Further proof perhaps, of the underlying simplicity in all of His infinitely complex workings.

Cheers!
Good Morning!

Lightning

This is a little poem that came to me whilst gazing heavenward during a nice thunderstorm a couple of nights back. In the absence of a camera, and the presence of a belief in the underlying commonalities between different forms of human expression, I figured a poem would be
a nice way to capture the moment.
---

O great spears of Thor!
What is it that you seek to speak?
Flashing your wonder and majesty,
Piercing the realms of the night and beyond.

Is that a song of praise you sing,
When you lighten up the canvas up high?
A new song for every time,
For the One who pets your infinite might.

In you are born a thousand suns.
From you stand defeated the darkest nights.
Amongst all of nature's magical rights,
You find your worthy place and time.

Are you the fueller of the world's hearts?
Is it your embrace that frees the bound enslaved?
All these venerate your immaculate embellishment.
Lead us to your Master, O one untamed!

---

The language/code sequence of sleep!

Just a trivial little incident from today morning...
Upon getting woken up from bed for a scale, I prepared to doze off again, given the relative earliness of the hour et al.
As I was floating in that state conducive for lucid dreaming, I chanced on something scurrying across my... mind, or imagination, mind-stage, or whatever. It was no bigger than a cat, a little furry, and pretty skippy and fast. For now, lets just refer to it as a Mipchunk.

Now I'm not sure what it was, but that little creature was spewing random syllable chunks, either verbally or in written. Then, SOMETHING happened at the precise moment the little Mipchunk ran across my mind. I think I observed myself falling asleep right then. Effectively, it seemed that my conscious self had switched itself off, or something to that effect, at the command given by the little furry coder.

And that was what led me to this little post.

What did the mipchunk say?